The Shredded Schrader

May 10, 2010

The Cage has Bars of Paranoia

Filed under: Misadventures,Parasites — Danimal @ 11:27 am

I was riding down Mass Ave., driving legally and considerately, and (of course) getting beeped at and yelled at by motorists. Usually this isn’t a problem as I ride my peppy LeMond and for the most part keep up, but this time I was on a chopper (MegaSeth’s Stardust).

My usual battle cry is an iteration of the law; “I’m a vehicle. Two abreast or one per lane.” I’m not sure it’s effective, but… whatever. It’s better than calling them a turd monkey [citation needed]. And such was the case when a motorist, right on my ass, let out his horn.

“I wasn’t beeping at you jackass!!!! Get off the fucking rode, you fucking moron.”

In fairness, his position understandably cause confusion. Furthermore, it was fucking loud! But whatever, I was bothered enough to need to pull to the side of the road to gather my wits.

There is no friend anywhere, there is no enemy anywhere, there is no friend anywhere, there is no enemy anywhere…

What. The. Fuck.

Am I really riding that close to the edge? This bothers me immensely.

Then I had an idea. Something that would not risk taking innocent bystanders and wouldn’t escalate, but instead would act to confuse and then only later to sting and drive the point home.

Keep your eyes open for it. Keep watching.

Everyones a friend and everyone is an enemy. Everyone is watching. Especially THEM.

Later I noticed that my belt was unbuckled and my pants were partially opened in the front. I chuckled as I mused over the possibility that it was my embarrassing state that caused the other cars to beep and complain. I stopped and wished it was true.

One big union (of cyclists),
A slightly anxious and mentally disturbed Danimal.

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